I’m tired, exhausted and drained.
I’m running on an empty gas tank.
Too many responsibilities, too much to do.
Yet they don’t even know they’re overbearing me.
They don’t even know that I’m struggling
They just seem to want more and more of me.
I wanna run away from all this.
So I’m running to you
I wanna get lost in you
Drown me in your love
Restore me.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Mathew 6:33
So, tell me, what are you desperately in need of?
You’ve always been there. No matter what i did. No matter how i sometimes nashed. You still were always there. You still loved me and called me yours. And then went ahead to bless me in ways i could never imagine. You favored me in all that i did.
So how could i not trust you? How could my faith waiver? How could i doubt? But Lord, i’m only human. And i’m sorry. Forgive me for making you too small. You are God.
Lord i enlarge you.
Greater than my problems,
greater than my fears,
greater than my life.
Be magnified.
Im fasting today. It’s something that iv only done one other time during my 4 years as a born again Christian (im doing terrible) because let me tell u, I love food. I enjoy eating and just the smell of something nice makes my mouth water. I eat routinely without even a thot to it. But I decided to do this because sometimes God just breaks through for you in the oddest of circumstances and most of the times it happens when you offer up a sacrifice and really surrender to him. His word says that there are some things you pray about and there are somethings you pray and fast about. So I decided to show my act of sacrifice by giving up something I love. And why lie? It is a struggle. Everyone is eating in the office. The smell of pilau is all over. Then somehow Heartbeat decides to show up and surprise me for lunch…Yaani! But if you are in my situation id ask you to hold on because when temptation sorrounds you, believe me, something is about to happen. I also know it from personal experience. The last time I did this, a friend of mine gave his life to Christ and I experienced God in a miraculous way. I also experienced a closeness to God like I never had before. Id give up anything to feel that way again. I was conversing to him like he was there, I was walking with him and basking in his presence. It was totally awesome. So today morning, I poured out my heart to him. I told him that I was doing this because I had needs. Needs that I needed breakthroughs for. I asked him to come through for me like he always had. But I also let him know that my deepest desire, my longing, my hearts aching was to be intimate with him. To know him today in a special way.
Iv taken you for your word Lord. Iv laid myself bare. Iv stripped off my pride and asked. (John 16:24) So Lord, I pray that you show yourself strong.
I ran to my room. It was one of those days when everything was going wrong. My heart was heavy. I couldn’t stop the tears so i just let them flow. Then i decided to kneel down and pray. It was there, while on my knees on this day, this wonderful day, this day that i can never erase from my mind that God embraced me and said the words that i so longed to hear:
“Do not be afraid - I will save you.
I have called you by name. You are mine…
I will give up whole nations to save your life because you are precious to me
and because i love you and give you honour “
Is 42:1-5
For the first time in my life, i truly truly prayed. And for the first time, i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that i serve a LOVING God.
Many men have been taken in by the fallcy that a real man is strong, masculine, strong-willed and headstrong. That a strong man should never cry. That he should never show emotional or affectionate responses in public. That he should never admit to defeat or failure. These stereotypes however have been fostered by the father of lies (the devil).
God wants to take your insecurities, blockages and fears and release you into the reality of all that he wants you to be. Time and again in scripture, we see Christ’s compassion. When Jesus saw Mary and her friends crying when Lazarus had died, He was deeply moved and He wept (John 11:33, 35-36). In the garden of gethsamene, just before His crucification, He faced up to his suffering with great anguish (Luke 22:44). When He saw Jerusalem, He came closer and wept over it (Luke 19:41-42). Jesus perfectly demonstrated that what we term ‘weakness’ is often in reality perfect strentgh.
It takes a real man to be open and honest. It takes a real man to remove the mask and accept himself for who he is. So when life is a burden and you really want to let it all out, take a moment and just cry..
Dedicated to all the Kenyan men who wont let tears define their worth.
